Do you know that about 60% of the women hate their in-laws, especially mother-in-laws? Well, think that figure would not surprise you. Rather you might think that’s too low, right? How about the rest of the 40%. Well, it does not reflect that these 15% likes their in-laws. It just shows that they don’t hate them. That’s all. But it is not about hating. It's more about how to handle a relationship.
With so much commotion especially between both mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, how can we overcome such issues especially the person in between two of you is your husband and her son after all.
We have classified in-laws into 5 groups of personalities. Most of them fall into one but we can be certain that some actually have all the traits of each group. That’s a horror! Well, one day, you will become a mother-in-law too….. so be nice about it…… and not take it so seriously.
1. Controlling In-laws
They just want to control your hubby’s life and thus create the impression that they are controlling you as well. To put in nicer words, they are too used to running your hubby’s life. However, do not think that they are out to make your life miserable; while some really do if they have objected to your marriage in the first place.
They need to have these controls so that they feel needed. After all, they gave birth to your hubby and after marriage, they still need that control as parents. If they lost that control, they will do any stunts either through threats, manipulation or even guilt-peddling to regain that control they need.
Solution :
Never talk bad about his parents especially your hubby is so used to his parents bidding, meaning he let his parents control him. Now that he forms his own family, try to understand that it might also be a huge change to his lifestyle. However, you can approach this situation by helping him understand that his parents’ behavior is making you and your marriage suffer.
Do not over-react or nag but assure him that you are always with him. Ask him why he does not want to stand up for himself and his family, especially when there are additions to your family.
If you have a baby at home:
If your methods in raising up a child are completely different from his parents, do not nag. At the very least, they brought up your husband that way. There must be some ways that you can adopt even in this present era. You need to get your husband to stand by you and explain to his parents why you are adopting a different teaching methodology.
2. "Close to You" In-laws
Your in-laws treated you as their own daughter. However, they do not really understand why you need your privacy. They will expect that everything is on the family mode, rather than the marriage mode. This can make you frustrated by being on 24/7 standby as you must entertain them.
Solution :
Let your hubby knows about this else he may think that you have enjoyed spending every minute with his parents all this while. You might consider setting a family routine so that he will not neglect his parents too.
If you have these in-laws, consider yourself lucky as they are relatively harmless and easier to convey your sentiments. However, be prepared to make compromises sometimes.
If you have a baby at home:
They might popped by your house every other day to see the baby as one of the excuses. That explains their overly-frequent visits. Simply let them know that you need some privacy and rest. At the same time, consider putting more effort in bringing your child to visit them.
3. Chaotic In-laws
As the name implies, it’s really chaotic. Somehow, the lives of your in-laws are too ‘messy’ in the sense that they might be unhappy about their own lives that they can stir up lots of problems in their lives and others. In other words, they do not care about your marriage life. They just want someone to focus on themselves. In fact, they might be the problem themselves.
Once they have a problem, they will turn up to you and your hubby for aid. Suddenly, you will feel like your husband and yourself have become superman and wonder woman. You just need to solve and fix the problems but these problems will never end.
Solution:
Since it’s a never-ending journey with all these problems, you might just have to say NO! Though we need to be filial to our parents but we cannot be the ones to be responsible for their actions. If it’s a one-time situation, all right, go ahead and help. If it’s not, just reject them. It might make you look bad as a daughter-in-law but in the first place your in-laws might not be interested in you either.
Your hubby might need to step in and let his parents know that his parents need to take back their responsibilities for their lives. If it’s too hard to approach this nasty situation, consider a counselor.
If you have a baby at home:
Be careful of such in-laws especially if you have a child at home. They might be teaching your child certain bad habits alongside the growing process. We do not want the child to pick up skills in creating problems. Hence, as parents, you need to be firm in rejecting your problematic in-laws.
4. Rejecting In-laws
We are sad to tell you but your in-laws have never liked you. Hence, they do not care about anything about you. They might do all sorts of things to ostracize you and drove you to the end of your marriage. All these things happened due to several reasons which are hard to solve – religion, race, social differences and even personality.
Despite all the efforts you have tried to get closer to your in-laws, it still seems that the ice is still frozen and the rock is still as hard.
Solution:
Accept that there’s nothing much you can do now or even in the future. They have already dislike you before they have met you. They know of your presence but not you as a person. Leave them alone. Concentrate on your marriage and own family instead.
If you have a baby at home:
Just leave them alone. Focus your love and energy on your hubby and children instead.
5. Bad-Mouth In-laws
Whatever you said, they must scrutinize it, be it your views, feelings or what you have done. Even if you do certain things perfectly, they are out to criticize it.
The reason that they have to do these – to put you down and let you know who the boss is. They will keep nagging, giving you unwanted advice and picked on you or the things you did. The only thing you can do is to bite your tongue so that they have lesser things to criticize.
Solution:
Always resist the impulse to attack back, argue or go silent. It is because you might still be blamed for either being disrespectful or for doing nothing at all. Rather, if the criticism is harmless, treat it as a humor and let it pass. Alternatively, you can use a humorous strategy to bring your message across.
If you are really feeling super angry, try to delay your reaction and gain over your emotions. Use a positioning statement like ‘I know you have your own methods of doing things. I have my own method of doing things too and I should be the one to decide.’
If you have a baby at home:
Do not quarrel with your in-laws as your children are watching it. Rather be calm and bring your point over.
We hope you have fun reading this post and we like to share what we always do... have an easy heart. Do not take it so seriously.
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